Friday, August 9, 2013
As my day begins it's full of making sure your siblings are taken care of. Trying to plan some sort of fun before our Summer ends. I try to keep myself busy as well but in between I end up calling the NICU checking up on you at least every 3 hrs. although I hear them tell me Mrs. Augustin she is fine it wouldn't be enough until I get to hold you later that night. My heart races as I see the time approach for me to go see you. I get in the car with Daddy and my stomach fills with butterflies and excitement and if I could I'd make it so we would run all the red lights so I can get to you faster.
Once I see the Hospital anything else that was going on in the day just seems to vanish and I can not help but smile. Moments before getting to the doors of the NICU saying Thank you Lord for my blessings. I can't help to think of your siblings who are my other pieces to the puzzle of my heart of your Daddy who is our Rock and loves us so much and of our Lord who each day and every step is giving us strength. Of the prayers I say daily and ask for him to please keep giving ME strength.. Then the door opens and I know I am closer to what may seem crazy to some but to me has become my Happy Place.
Washing my hands at the sink and looking towards where you are as I sneak a peak at your monitors and see no blinking lights or noises makes me smile. As I look at all the other sweet babies around the room and look and see if I see anything different and the nurses who greet me with their hellos and how are you doing..
Walking to you and seeing you usually sleeping until I open up one of the little windows and say "Hi my little Bean" and see you wiggle. Having your nurse for that shift come over and say you can start if you like which only makes my heart skip a beat and fill with delight... Grabbing the thermometer to check your temp and seeing you wiggle some more while I start to talk to you and tell you how I've missed you so much all day. Telling you what Isaac, Gabi & Ram might have said to tell you.
Seeing you open your eyes slowly and giving me a sleepy smile and slowly opening your eyes more and trying to focus on where you hear my voice. Getting to change your diaper and touching your little legs and feet.
Then having the nurse come up and say are we ready and a big yes comes from my face as I know it's time to weigh you. Holding my breath to see if the numbers on the scale will go up and praying they do and thanking once more our Lord as they place you.
After we are done now comes the moment I've been waiting ALL day to happen when I get to hold you. Having them place you in my arms where I can kiss you oh my heart sings the happiest of songs.
Each moment I get to hold you is such a gift, seeing you look around and sweet little noises and as we bond I am truly in my Happy Place. Once again I have to give praise and pray to our Lord to keep you safe to please keep you growing. How I daydream of you coming home and seeing your sister and brothers around you and knowing that Daddy & I will so be spoiling you.
I know this is a day by day process and I must be patient and so I will wait and continue to pray until that moment comes.
Where you are is my Happy Place and each moment no matter the tears or slight fears I hold on to the love that I know our Lord gives to us each day.
I am so thankful for you and your Siblings and Daddy you guys complete my Heart's Happy Place.
Love you sweet Beanie Girl.