Last Day before the Page Turns
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Middle of the night and I'm writing,watching and thinking. I had a totally different post but with me having to keep an eye on little Isy it turned to me thinking about what this year has meant. Being today is my last day being 38.
I think of how for the most part it's been a hold my breath and wait with the intertwining of happy moments. The nervous and unknown with the overwhelming feeling of joy. The fear trying to overcome my being but remembering I am not in control no matter how hard I've wanted to believe that. I am not. Remembering how I've been shown time and again our Lord's love for us, for me. For when I could and didn't have strength it was sent and given to me. Through feeling it or via people I know were put in my path to reaffirm that.
Here I lay next to my little girl. My gift at 38 who sadly this past week has had one wicked cough. Thinking how ironic I was JUST writing about preemies and RSV. Although PRAISE God she doesn't have it she has one BAD cough that has made us go already twice to the doctor. Just have to ride it out I've been told.
I am doing all I can to comfort her and just want to see her better. Feeling helpless. Just as I did when she was at the NICU and so I do the only thing I can. Love her and pray.
Can you guess what I want for my birthday? Reflecting on 38. Moments of despair but also moments of empowerment. Moments of being dumbfounded but with moments of pure enlightenment.
I've reflected on what I really want to pursue, taking baby steps but taking them. Learning that it doesn't have to matter the speed just as long as you keep going.
I have plans I've working for the coming year. I have to. It's time to step forward and go for what I want, what I know I can accomplish.
Dear 38 thank you for it all,but now I'm ready to turn the page and see 39.
Posted by Ellie Augustin at Thursday, November 13, 2014