Nobody Really Told Me Or Maybe I wasn't Listening - Adventures With Ellie

Nobody Really Told Me Or Maybe I wasn't Listening

They grow so fast. I heard that line from the moment I held my oldest son in my arms for the first time.  Not really totally understanding it. I just did what I could as I started this new adventure as a single mother and held on for the ride.With each step he grew I grew. He learned and so have I.

 At times it's felt like a blur but each time I came into focus to take a deep breathe it seems there came another huge milestone in front of us.

This latest one took me for a loop I must say. It's the one that I also heard about since  the day he was born the "Letting go Moment"  I now am a  mother to a college freshman.

 Even though my son is actually not going away for college just traveling to the city daily. We still are feeling the strains of this new stage in his live.  (our lives)

It's the thin line of helping and having to really let go. As we were finishing up things before he was officially enrolled to his college I slowly have become a shadow.

I've had to be present as he still isn't 18 but he did all that was needed and I just took a seat and waited.
 Seeing him decide his major. I couldn't help but think WOW this is IT.  From this moment he is really forming what is to come for his adulthood.

He will be voting this coming presidential election for the first time and I still watch him play computer games with an intense passion as he did when he was younger and can't help but giggle at what is happening in front of my eyes.

 He will turn 18 later this month and that is suppose to make him an "adult" but in my eyes he's still that cute little boy who melted everyone with just a smile.  THAT is where my tug of war is at. To snap that cute little image and see him really is now as a young adult. Motherhood OH MY.

With him being the oldest everything that happens is new not only to him but to myself as well. Again it's the struggle for me to let go and keep directing without pushing while pushing and directing his younger siblings.

 As I watch him leave and come back with new stories and remember my own college experience  I just pray that all my husband and I have taught and given him are enough so he will make the right choices not only in college but as he grows into his adulthood.

As our new adventure grows so do both us. I'm in no hurry and have to remind him now again as well slow down because time is going way faster then you want it to and just haven't noticed yet.

Motherhood it's the most toughest and grueling, scariest thing to happen to me but at the same time it's the most beautiful, amazing blessing and has brought me a love I could have never imagined could be possible.

I wouldn't change it for anything. I am truly the happiest seeing my children grow so I'll keep taking deep sighs and tissue at hand as I watch each of my little birds take flight.

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